I can't believe I'm back here...

... doing calls again. Actually, I can't believe I made it to Thanksgiving. Minor miracles. Anyways, thanksgiving (at least the times when I could relax and forget about work), was wonderful. It was so refreshing to realize that there is a world outside of work! That normal people don't live like vampires. I really don't have that long left here. It also highlighted how much I've changed and missed out on.
But I did spend some time thinking about my future...

My plan at the moment is this:

After January 19th (exact date tbd), I'll pack up my stuff and drive up to San Mateo and stay with my parents. I'll get a temp job lasting about 3 months or so, and while I do that I'll take 2 online courses from the College of San Mateo- beginning grantwriting and nonprofit management. And I'll set a date after my job ends to move back to Boston, and I can start working on getting C.U.R.E.D. off the ground.

It's a thing of beauty.

I've also decided that once I get settled in Boston next spring/summer I'm going to start seeing a counselor. I've just been having these problems that I'm having trouble dealing with... I need to find better ways of responding to certain situations. This is really hard for me. I mean, it would be hard for anyone, but I think that it's especially hard for me because I am a perfectionist when it comes to work, and I take it very personally when things go wrong (even if it's not my fault)

In the meantime, I need to make this easier.

I met a guy the other day. Very sweet. That might help ;)

This blog also seems to do me good.

Packing. Gets me out of here quicker.

Talking about concrete plans for the future- the classes, the temp job. Things that are actually going to happen SOON.

Vitamins. Heh, a few weeks ago I sorted out one vitamin for every day we had left. I take one every day at 2 to remind me that every day I get stronger and closer to the end.

Pictures of Juliette.... :D

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus... Must get to church every week (DESPITE what they tell me... )

I'll post this... and will most likely write more later.

More:

I did write that letter of resignation. I wrote it "as of today" and it's undated- I can add that at the time.

I so want to use it but... I'd feel guilty, because my parents think I can make it and Jess asked me to stay on. Better not think about it.

Ugh, I just can't stand having to cheerlead myself through the day!

Crying again... Would you be disappointed in me if I quit?