Unhappy at work

I am miserable at my job and this is my coping mechanism. Do not expect this to be happy and cheery as it will most definetely not be. I'm doing calls, alone in the office... Conversations with bosses did not go well today. I asked them for a 75-hour workweek, a day off every other week and time to go to church. No go. MISERABLE!

I am going to have to quit. I can't quit.

I hate the prospect of quitting because I have never quit anything before. I am not a quitter. I don't. I have gotten through some of the hardest parts of my life a better person by not quitting. If I quit, that's bailing out. I'll always think of what might have been. I'll let down my coworkers. My volunteers. And I'll miss the caucuses (I've signed up as a temporary chair... I had to for work). I feel guilty for wanting to quit. It's just until caucus day... Jan 19th. It's just close enough to make the idea of quitting that much more bitter.

I hate the prospect of staying mostly because of the physical pain I feel while I'm here. It's like a dull ache. it's all the time. It gets better when I'm at home but never fully goes away. It gives me bad dreams. I hate the loneliness. I have no friends because I have no time for friends. I hate working at night. I hate working all day into the night. I hate having to go to the bathroom to either cry or throw up (luckily since I have no appitite I just cry). I hate nonstop work. I hate not being able to go to church. I hate that my boss doesn't care about me. She just doesn't care about me, I can't believe that. I'm free labor. A disposeable scrub brush. I hate that I don't care about this campaign anymore. I hate the hours. I can't stand the hours. I feel a really urgent need to get out of here. NOW. I hate eating dinner at 11pm. I hate that it's gotten to this point. I hate doing calls. I hate that caucus day so close. It's not close.

I think I might quit. Even if I could physically stay... which I don't know about... why? Just to say I could? For my pride? Why? This is not what I came here for. This is not what I signed up for. I have given up on trying for this campaign, not because it won't succeed but because it already has. All of our public goals could be achieved on 1/3rd of the effort that we're putting in to it. The real reason why we're busting our heads over this is for the Union. If the Union can turn out a disproportionate amount of voters for the caucuses, that means more clout for the unions.

Not that I'm not for the unions. They do good work and especially for healthcare workers.

But we don't have any clear goals for them, at least none that they're sharing for us... so we're just hampsters running freakishly hard on a hampster wheel. It's like Nevada for Health Care is just a front for the union. This is not what I moved 3,000 miles for. I am not passionate about the union.

I hate that they lied to me.

I'm allowed one quit. This seems like a good time to use it.